Apocalypse NOT!A government task force has just released a report that neatly solves the whole problem of the world ending and all that apocalyptic stuff using just a neat math trick.
The announcement followed on the release of The Government Task Force On Solving The Total Collapse Of Civilization And The Coming End Of The World's final report late last night.
Despite coming at a time when the poor have already all been eaten and the once rich are now reduced to cleaning their own toilets, or worse, the report appears to be surprisingly optimistic.
The task force, consisting entirely of former celebrities who've been has beens more than twice (e.g. the has beens who re-became has beens again after a stint on Celebrity Rehab, and then became has beens for a 3rd time, shortly after their careers were briefly re-revitalized by appearing on Sober House) has concluded that the only way to save the government is to nationalize it and that only government has the resources to do this and, therefore, the government will have to be nationalized by none other than the government, itself. (Not to mention, by definition.)
According to the report, by nationalizing itself, the government will initiate an infinite recursive loop whereby, in order to handle the burden of nationalizing itself, it'll have to nationalize itself, as will its new nationalizer self have to be nationalized by itself, and so on. And by being in an infinite recursive loop of ignorance and unknowing like this, the new government and by extension the human race, will insure that it never stops having a field down which to kick the ball just a little further, just one more time.