SPECIES GAME CHANGER FROM NINTENDO?
Nintendo shocked the world today, announcing a new peripheral for its Nintendo Wii that may impact the future of man more than anything ever invented or, uh, conceived.Well, OK. They didn't really announce anything, but everybody knows they've got it, and the only reason they're NOT immediately releasing it is there's this, uh, internal debate going on about whether there are ethical issues involved.
Some top people are apparently threatening to quit rather than be forced to write, read, or authorize ad copy for the product. But marketing insists sales will not just go through the roof, but the new peripheral controller will change the nature of the gaming and entertainment industries forever, and, in the process, make Nintendo one of the 5 highest grossing and most profitable companies in the world. A Congressional Committee is already considering drafting legislation that would restrict the production, sale, and importation of any device whose name or description has the word haptic in close proximity to any word which can in any way be related to the name of a sex organ.
It is unclear what the restrictions might entail or how far reaching they might be, but one rumor has the controller being limited to use only in public outdoor amusement parks where no children are present or allowed.
Despite this, top game designers are apparently already, uh, hard at work designing whole new genres of games that will more specifically target and exploit the unique abilities and aptitudes of, you know, genitalia.
THE
4.30.09
HAPTICK
