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Friday, May 27, 2005
The Bloggers From Outer Space
source: Everything, Everywhere, Every Femtosecond
posted: May 27, 2005, 10:01 AM
by: Rebecca Sunnybrook
The bloggers from outer space had landed. "Take us to your head blogger," they said, "but please don't disturb us now -- we're blogging."

The secret service was suspicious. It was, after all, their job to protect the head blogger, the President, with their very lives.

"OK," they said, interrogation-style, "if you're the bloggers from outer space, let's see your blogs!"

"Our blogs are not IN your blogosphere," the lead blogger from outer space told the head secret service guy.

"Well, then take us to YOUR blogosphere!" the secret service guy said to the blogger from outer space.

"Well, uhh," said the lead blogger, "our blogs aren't actually IN our blogosphere, either -- uhh, you see, at the moment, in our world, blogging done in blogs in the blogosphere is totally passé and strictly for losers. In fact, anybody who's currently IN our blogosphere is pretty much considered to be a total douche."

"So then," the secret service head asked, "why are you misrepresenting yourselves as bloggers from outer space?"

"Well," said the lead blogger, "we are still blogging -- except we're just not blogging the lame old-fashioned way anymore. We've moved on."

"OK, so where the fuck ARE you blogging now?" the secret service agent asked, approaching the end of his patience.

"We are blogging in meatspace," the blogger from outer space answered. "Our blogs are blogged in everyday physical reality itself. So everything I'm saying to you now and everything I'm doing now -- is all just part of my blog. And when I do the space alien version of taking a dump, that's blogging too."

"Whoooa, coool," said the secret service guy. "So that means I'm blogging right now too, and all my men are blogging, and childbirth and drug-pushing are just different kinds of blogging, and the universe itself is really just the blog of some supreme deity -- and the reason there are different religions is simply because there are different brands of blogging software."

"Yes, that's it," the alien said. "And when you go to sleep each night and start having what your charlatan scientists erroneously refer to as 'dreams', what you are REALLY experiencing is simply a product of the brain's absolute NEED -- even while the rest of the body is totally immobilized -- to KEEP blogging, no matter what.

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