We needed to start with something easy, something manageable, to get our feet wet at becoming self-modifying code, to ease into being the first species to truly say to evolution, "outta the way, mutha, I'll be takin' her in from here..."

So there were just 2 propositions on the ballot.

Prop 1 called for the elimination of the gene for being an utter fucking asshole when you're drunk.

Polls and anecdotes from all classes, races and nationalities had made it abundantly clear that nearly EVERYBODY really wished that everybody ELSE could just stop being such utter fucking assholes when they got utter fucking shit-faced.

This was also a big favorite because everyone knew that this modification would have absolutely zero impact on themselves, what with they're not being anywhere near the kind of major league hall-of-fame-class assholes all their friends were by drink 3.

Proposition 2 eliminated a similar gene with a similar effect, but this alternate gene for being an asshole didn't really care if you were drunk at the time or not.

OK, but what if the propositions pass unanimously, as everyone knows they will, and then suddenly, a week or a month or a year or two down the road, everybody's sitting around drunk and so bored out of their minds that eventually somebody wistfully looks up at the sky and says, "gee, wouldn't it be nice if there was just some real major asshole here right now so that we could all have something to get all self-righteous about and not have to be so fucking bored?"

And what if this sentiment is being expressed across the entire spectrum of drunken situations, and sober ones too, so that, soon, everyone takes to the streets clamoring "we want our utter fucking drunken assholes back" -- because they find, as Rodney King warned, that they can't really get along without them.

Well, fortunately the foundling fathers of our genome self-modification electoral process took all that into consideration -- and provided us with special recall elections.

But not only that, because that wouldn't be enough. The Genome Self-Modification Voting Act of 2005 provided that "all genes voted out of the genome by the electorate shall be maintained and bundled together and saved on their own private island. And, to keep the genes amused until needed, if needed, they will be allowed to recombine and replicate uninhibited, in artificial environmental conditions of ultimately their own making."

Thus these egregious discarded genes will still always be available to us. So when our population decides they want their poor little drunken asshole gene back or their sex-crazed creep-ass Sarah Jessica Parker gene back, our doctor can just call up the hellhole museum of genomic horrors where our former vile and voted down genes are stored, and tell the curator of the Earth to send us back a copy.

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