Just when structure has everything down all neat and cool, substance comes along, instantiates, and proceeds to fuck everything all up.

We thought we could use science, or whoever, to undo, if not reverse, this state of affairs.

The initial approach was to reconstruct the decomposed body by moving backwards in time.

First we found all the maggots that ate its flesh and reverse-engineered their cells to get back to the chemicals that came from the decomposing body. Then we brought all those chemicals together and reverse-engineered the DNA that produced them in those proportions. And once we had the DNA, it was just a matter of running it forward to produce its organism's original cells and organs. And then.... Well, you know the rest.

So when that didn't work we thought maybe ideology could help because ideology is based on the twin lies of what people aren't and what they can never hope to be.

Apparently, under ideology, representatives go out and convince people they are so far far much less than they actually are -- BUT, whaddya know, once they start living out our cool new ideology, they will suddenly acquire the potential to be so far far much better than they realistically could have ever dreamed of being -- in their dreams!

But where ideology is all symmetry, like physics, real life is all edges, like chemistry -- and whether or not this state of affairs has been unnaturally deselected for, is none of our fucking business.

Our final option, therefore, was the much maligned approach known as cognition management -- and so we headed for the home of the world renown Centers for Cognition Management Control, where, apparently, they don't believe one fucking scientific experiment from Galileo on down.

"Everyone knows experimental results are ALWAYS fudged," our guide told us. "And there's always at least a femtosecond in every mathematical proof where the mind has to go all wacky and kinda look the other way and then forget about it the next morning and just continue on as though the theorem had actually been proved last night when everybody was shit faced, and can now be believed and blindly built upon without further ado, no questions asked."

"Despite that," he went on, "here at the Center, we live and breathe absolute and complete honesty. Not for its own sake. Not for the morality of it. Not because it's right. Not because it's the best or ONLY policy. But, because honesty is just the most obscene joke you can make -- in a crapass world where absolutely everything else is an utter fucking lie."

Next he took us to World Command Central, where obscene jokes and utter fucking lies were fed into vast arrays of parallel multi-processor networked super computers churning their asses off trying to come up with the New World Motto which, if it won't save everybody as was envisioned by our founders in their glory days, then it will at least shut everybody the fuck up for a while.

In order to "work", however, the New World Motto will need to be tattooed on everybody's ass, graffitied on all walls and subway cars, emblazoned across everybody's tee and sweat shirts, and sunburned into everybody's bald scalps, and people speaking to each other will have to use it as their opening and closing greeting, and instead of love or yours, they will need to end all their letters, post cards, telegrams and emails with it.

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