Bruce Willis Eliminator

Newark, NJ

Finally, there's a serious application for visual pattern recognition. These simple strap-on goggles contain 128 megs of RAM in the frames and powerful neural net software that can recognize the image of Bruce Willis in all but the most mutilated of conditions.

When detected, Willis is instantly, seamlessly replaced, in real-time, by an animated 3-D cartoon animal -- so now there's at least one asshole you'll never have to see again, as long as you live (or, at least, until you have to replace the 4 AAA batteries).

And Willis is just the first of many assholes you'll soon be able to eliminate from the world, without lifting a finger. Keep watching this space for news about our entire line of snap-in modules that'll get rid of such ghastly organic robots as Steven Seagal, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Newt Gingrich, Tom Snyder, Billy Joel, Pat Buchanan, Alphonse D'Amato and many more -- and all available ONLY on the Mike Rosoff Network.

-- Robbie Jamie Jameson

(exclusive to the Mike Rosoff Network)