Buffums Bay, AA --

A new, hi-concept theme park ride is sweeping the nation!

Already more popular than life itself, this ride starts off by locking you in a freezer full of rubber sex dolls wearing lifelike masks of various congressional leaders and with the bodies of stuffed penguins. A light is left on so you can't stop seeing them, and it feels like an entire day before somebody finally comes and unlocks the freezer.

Once you're out, and you look at the clock, you realize you've only been locked up for an hour. Of course, you're so happy about the 23 hours you've just saved, that next time you see these Porked out congressguys, you'll do anything they say, even if it means freezing your ass off without food or heat or shelter for the rest of your life.

-- Tracy Stockton
(exclusive to the Mike Rosoff Network)