A personal note from:

Dear Member,

After personally scanning the contents of your hard drive, and after reading a substantial sampling of your e-mail, and after having turned this raw data into a detailed personality profile using our Mike Rosoff Personal Shrink Software, I have determined that the contents of the file you've requested is insufficiently vicious and filthy enough to satisfy your personal need for violence and obscenity in all things.

Obviously, you are in that 99th percentile of humanity who require a little more -- and that's why we've tailored Mike Rosoff Network Plus (tm) just for you.

Of course we'd like you to join up immediately, but in scanning your hardware and software, I've noticed that your current system, as configured, is inadequate to handle the higher bandwidths, the expanded violence, and the enhanced all-family pornography that MRN Plus (tm) brings to your screen.

In a few moments, a Mike Rosoff Network consultant will be knocking on your door and will come in and upgrade your system for you. (Please do not attempt to interfere with the performance of his assigned duties.)

According to my assessment, you will need a new computer, new operating system, and a whole new suite of applications software, as well as a new modem, new printer, new CD-ROM drive, new sound card, new speakers, new computer furniture, and a new, larger house to fit it all.

Fortunately, our representative is authorized to give you a 5% discount on any amount you spend over $150,000. Your full cost for the upgraded system will, of course, be broken into monthly payments and included each month in your Mike Rosoff Network charges, so you will hardly even be aware of its cost.

Thank you for being a part of the Mike Rosoff Network where all we care about is pleasing our members.

Yours,

Mike