Stockholm City Blues

source: probably something in childhood
posted: Jun 3, 2004, 4:01 pm
by: djs

Finished writing my Nobel Prize rejection speech today and, though you'd expect it to just rant on and on forever and be dripping with vitriol, I think I managed to keep it relatively tasteful and succinct. Anyway, here it is so you can judge for yourself:

Dear Nobel Prize Committee members, onlookers, rubber-neckers, and random passers-by who just came in to get out of the cold,

It is with a great deal of heartfelt humility, today, that I humbly reject your stinking piece of shit Nobel prize or prizes on account of, you know, REASONS.

Thank you! (Now gimme the fuckin' money anyway!!! No! Ha Ha. Just kidding! You can keep your stinking money too!)

Of course, we all know the kind of dickbrain that hangs out at Nobel Prize ceremonies, so somebody's bound to jump up (insensitive to the implicit "'nuff said" in my remarks) and ask, "like, WHAT reasons, bro [or dude]?"

So at that point I can either be honest and say something like, well, if you REALLY wanna know what the REASONS are, and since I REALLY don't have the time to waste on you buncha sniveling Nobel Prize sycophants and hangers on right now, you can just go to my website -- although, unfortunately, the last few times I checked, the server was down.

Or, on the other hand, maybe I should be more gracious in victory and just make up some convenient lie, like about how I can't accept their stinking Nobel Prize on account of I wanna, you know, spend more time with my stinking family. After all, my murderous aggressive hostile teenagers will never be murderous aggressive hostile teenagers again, and I don't wanna miss it.

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