50 - Most Fucked-Up Person Alive Tells All

I started having one of those cliche dreams I'd had so often in my youth. In it, I was stumbling around a cemetery late at night, with a half-dead flashlight and a half moon that occasionally came out from behind some half-clouds.

The tombstones were all flush with the ground. I focused the light on one of them and read it:

    Just Another Loser

    June 5, 345 - April 2, 415,

it said.

I looked at the one beside it which had:

Most Fucked-Up Person Alive Tells All - 51
    Just Another Loser

    300 - 333

chiseled into its surface in a weirdly modified Times Roman face.

Then I walked to a different part of the grounds and the first stone I looked at there said:

    Another Loser, but not JUST Another Loser

    233 - 383.

4

I got a job at a shop that sold souvenirs of

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