"I am confident that Hutch," said Starsky, "has the depth and breadth of experience which would enable him to immediately step in and take over the reigns of the presidency if I were to be, say, brutally gunned down by a passing car only moments after the inaugural, or bludgeoned to death in my sleep by a family of escaped homicidal maniacs."

Kukla Would Pick Either Fran or Ollie
REUTERS - (Washington) - Front-running Democratic Party presidential candidate, Kukla, announced today that if he is fortunate enough to receive the Democratic Party nomination for president, he would select his Vice President from a short list made up of just Fran and Ollie.

"Either Fran or Ollie," said Kukla, "would be capable of seamlessly taking over the reigns of government were I to be, say, brutally gunned down by Starsky and Hutch in a passing '77 Pontiac GTO only moments before the inauguration, or buried to death by the dildo shards of a nearby imploding porn matrix."

"Weekend at Bernie's" Taps "Weekend At Bernie's II" For Veep Slot
REUTERS - (Washington) - A spokesman for "Weekend at Bernie's" announced today that the number one box-office grossing, Academy Award-winning picture of all time, "Weekend at Bernie's" would select the number two box-office grossing, Academy Award-winning picture of all time, "Weekend at Bernie's II," to be its running mate if it is fortunate enough to receive the Reform Party nomination for president.

"I am confident that if we have 'Weekend at Bernie's II' threaded through a back-up projector," said the spokesman, "and someone accidentally knocks over the main projector running President 'Weekend at Bernie's' during, say, the State of the Union Message or a press conference or announcement of going to war against Mexico, that by simply flipping on the back-up projector with 'Weekend at Bernie's II,' we'd be able to affect an immediate and almost seamless transition of power.