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Sofia Coppola Interview Re-Mix

By Alan Smithee
Sofia Coppola, like Kurosawa and Bunuel before her, definitely has two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. And, like Resnais, Truffaut and Lina Wertmueller, she is the daughter of her mother and father. Either despite or because of these handicaps or advantages Sofia was still willing to speak to the Grunion Sucks Up and to be re-mixed up the wazoo, about the many daunting challenges of keeping your Lambourghini clean and not taking shits on airline serving trays while in flight, even if you are the "other" son of Kirk Douglas.

  Sofia Coppola
Sofia Coppola
The Grunion Sucks Up: So, Sofia, I understand your old man's this big ole fat guy who drinks lotsa wine and can scarf down huge racks of lamb at a single sitting.

Sofia Coppola: Yeah.

GSU: So what's it like livin' with some big fat guy who's always drunk on his ass? Did he make you suck him off all the time?

SC: Not since I was 12.

GSU: Does he have to, like, turn sideways to walk through doors an' stuff?

SC: That only makes it worse. But that's why he had to sell out and make lots of money, so he could afford a big house with extra-wide doorways.

GSU: Uhh, doesn't selling-out imply that you had some integrity to begin with?

" What does "integrity" mean. Is that like integration? "
SC: I don't know. What does "integrity" mean? Is that like integration? I know dad's had Denzel over to dinner and he watches a lot of Soul Train.

GSU: Didn't your old man make, like, a film or something once.

SC: Yeah, it was called "Dementia 13." There were a couple of other films that Marlon Brando directed, but they were so lame he didn't want his name on them, and since he didn't know how to spell Smithee, dad agreed to have his name put on as director.

GSU: Uhh, I understand you've made a film too.

SC: Yeah

GSU: Shit. I wish we had more time. But tell me the name of it after the interview, so I can catch it when it shows up on Cinemax at 2:00 am in a couplea years, sandwiched in between a Shannon Tweed and a Traci Lords flick.

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