DFW, TX - (May 15) - Gary Steinbergger, or whoever, the star of the eponymous #1 hit TV show of all time, "Steinbergger," or whatever, apologized to the people of the world, early this morning, for his #1 final show of all time, last night, apparently, accidentally, you know, like, sucking a big one, or something.

"I'm immensely sorry that my immensely over-hyped #1 final show of all time, last night, accidentally sucked, like, you know, a really big one or something," Steinbergger or whoever, told a stunned audience of rapt or wrapped reporters at a press conference just outside his Dallas-Fort Worth condominium.

Steinbergger went on to blame the fact that the show had apparently, accidentally, you know, like, sucked a really big one, or something, on the fact that he'd had a really bad connection when he phoned it in.

"If I had it to do all over again," said Steinbergger, or whoever, "I wouldn't have phoned it in on a cell phone. I would have definitely used the phone on my desk at home, or a pay phone, instead."

But then, moments later, Steinbergger, or whoever, totally reversed himself and tried to claim that the show had intentionally apparently sucked, like, you know, a really big one, or something.

"Actually," said Steinbergger, or whoever, "we didn't really have a bad connection at all when we phoned it in. We had an excellent connection. But we had decided to intentionally make the show suck, like, you know, a really big one, or something -- in honor of Windows 98."

But since Windows 98 had, in a stunning reversal, been, you know, "delayed," or whatever, Steinbergger, or whoever, told reporters that they'd decided to make the show suck, like, you know, a really big one, or whatever -- for its own sake.

But then Steinbergger, or whoever, back-tracked again, and claimed they intentionally made the show suck, like, you know, a really big one, or whatever, not for its own sake, at all, but, rather, in order to get back at the race of corporate slimeballs who were blowing, like, a couplea billion dollars apiece for about a millisecond of time on this #1 final episode of all time, in order to tell 80 million people at home, "Hey, like, buy my worthless piece of shit product or go anally fuck yourselves, ya buncha losers!"

"Ha! Joke's on you, ya buncha cocksuckin' corporate scuzzbuckets," Steinbergger, or whoever, quipped, staring directly into the camera and smiling his warm Steinbergger, or whoever, smile, which has won its way into the hearts and minds of billions of people throughout all time and across all dimensions.

Fran Ksnotra, Or Somebody, Apparently Dies Cause Of Final "Steinbergger" Apparently Sucking -- But Only Partially

Famous 40's pop "schmoozer," or whatever, Fran Ksnotra, or whoever, apparently died last night, immediately following the #1 final episode of all time of "Steinbergger," or whatever. Apparently the pop "schmoozer's" death had nothing, or, at least, not much, to do with the #1 final show of all time's accidentally apparently sucking, like, you know, a really big one, or something.

Apparently, according to sources at SchmoozeWeek or the Schmooze York Times, it had more to do with Windows 98 being an utter fucking worthless piece of shit.

Windows 98 Delayed On News Of Ksnotra's Death

The release of Microsoft's exciting new Windows 98 so-called "operating system," will apparently be delayed indefinitely for a few days, because it apparently killed world-famous 40's pop "schmoozer" or whatever, Fran Ksnotra.

"This so-called 'delay' in the release of the so-called 'Windows 98' so-called 'Operating system,' is totally because of the fact that it killed pop "schmoozer," or whatever, Fran Ksnotra, and has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Windows 98 is an utter fucking worthless piece of shit," said Microsoft president and CEO, Sammy Davis, Jr.