Starbucks was best known for my never having ever gone into one, despite the fact that (or because of the fact that) nearly everyone else on earth had. Unfortunately all those people, with the sudden disappearance of Starbucks, are now reduced back to being the unthinking, unspeaking unfeeling, zombies they were before Starbucks first opened its doors 30 years ago.

Already, many can be seen pacing in circles in parking lots, dragging their now useless laptops across the gravel behind them on leashes like dogs, and otherwise rerunning the tired tropes of every tired zombie film -- from the DIY zombie films of antiquity, to the cloying zombie films of today.

Earlier in the week, the now dead coffee shop chain attempted to not die by purchasing the failing Bank of America money blowing chain with the intention of using its former ATM locations as convenient dispensers for cheap instant coffee to help keep marauding bands of marauders moving on to the next county, not stopping in ours to exterminate us and ravage our orange tree.

Following the Starbucks announcement that they were not only NOT buying Bank of America, but also folding, World Government 2.61 announced it would purchase all the 100 million former Starbucks locations to be used "as convenient Euthanasia centers, because death is clearly the only thing left that we can still reliably do for the people."

ACID

   TODAY'S TDP

   3.3.09
     INVASION
      BANKRUPTCY
      RELIGION
      DILDOES
      SONO
      COFLOW
      DIRT