ACTUARIAL SMACKTUARIAL
Sometimes peace of mind is only found in a small piece of the mind. Unfortunately it's the same one that expects tiny TVs to be emitted when you smash huge TVs together.Because with an AIG/Blue "End of the Whole Fucking World Insurance Policy", if the whole world totally ends tomorrow, you're 100% covered and, by the day after tomorrow, Jake Gyylleennhhaall will show up at your door to personally hand you a check for the full value of your worthless life.
But what happens if the world only partially ends?
OK. So say you're into doing totally infantile things both in life and on your college radio show. Say you're totally into playing and totally into screwing up. Screwing up is much more fun for you than not screwing up, any day.
But inside, and partially sometimes showing on the outside, there's this serious manipulator. She doesn't want something if you give it to her, she only really wants it if she can take it away from somebody else.
So when the world partially ends, say only the infantile part of you ends, but without that, only the manipulator in you is left, so now you're just a wretch.
At this point, AIG/Blue Cross would come in and somehow restore the part of the world that is over for you -- though the restoration might include massive doses of not yet fully tested medications and involuntary confinement in rigorously controlled environments.
Then, when the deprivation and meds finally trick your brain scan into looking the way it did before the world ended, the treatment regimen is locked down, and your insurance claim against the end of the world is marked PAID IN FULL!, and you can return to leading the normal life of a post-apocalyptic zombie.
THE
5.13.09
INSURANCE
