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Friday, July 2, 2004
The FUN in Fundamentalism
source: Untitled
posted: July 2, 2004, 1:02 pm
by: djs
In the distance, people hold up bright shiny objects against the snow. But you know when you get there they'll be holding a turd and the only question then will be has it always BEEN a turd?

So, if the answer to the question is it doesn't matter what the answer to the question is because it'll always BE a turd in the end whether it started that way or not or whether it was or wasn't that way when, from the distance, you were certain it was a bright shiny object that made trying to get to it worthwhile, then, if in the end there is always just a turd and you, then life must not be about the end but it must be about the journey. And the journey starts from absolutely nothing -- only empty desire.

So really, you're gonna need to join a fundamentalist group fast to tell you what to do with that desire.

And here's the group I recommend. (Cue intro music)

First, they are dedicated to making a frontal assault on history, and doing it the old-fashioned way: beginning from the present. So as long as you are a citizen of the now, you won't need any other pre-requisites to qualify.

Second, part of the first goal is to make nature look like an asshole. Because everybody thinks nature doesn't make mistakes. But they are here to say, uhhh, uhhhh,... well whatever.

Third, as a member of this group you will mostly 24 hours a day hang out in small stuffy stores that sell thousands of varieties of cold remedies that don't do any good, where you will pretty much be exposed to all the sicknesses and diseases of the city, and hopefully become the breeding ground or viral gene swap meet parking lot, for one of the great new plagues of 21st century man. Nothing helps disease more than people out for cures -- and capitalism, religion, fascism, art, and all other -isms and categories of culture.

Fourth, their tone (and yours should you join) is one of excessive politeness and utter precision of detail and emotion, and of oh yeah, if, in the end, you still don't like us, we can kill you all in under 11 seconds, so don't think we are disingenuous or hypocrites cause we are not -- we just look and talk and act that way for operational reasons.

Uhhh, one drawback to this movement is they are still focus-grouping what they are REALLY all about -- you know, once you scrape away the hollow rhetoric of exterminating the present in order to get a clear shot at exterminating the past.

But whatever they are for or against or why, whatever complex or simple system they offer for the way things are to be understood and the way things need to be, in the end it all has to lead to a huge battle where they have already begun to deploy their systems while the enemy is caught in the act of still hardwiring its response units.

So, in desperation, the enemy reflexively sends its children, more logos for the product known as family than actual beings, out as their first line of defense.

But all the children learned at school was mutual humiliation and suicide. So when your forces (let's assume you've joined the group -- and so this is what YOU've now got in store) come streaming down the public runways which modern man has constructed to each distinguishable aspect of his personality so as to try to preserve them despite being no longer needed, the children lay down a stream of vicious taunts about haircuts and shoes and being so yesterday or so 90's or so '03ish -- but they weren't in high school anymore, or even in any of the many replicants of high school situations known euphemistically as "adult situations".

They were just out there. Where nothing matters any more. Where the temperature was warm enough to go naked and not be concerned over not having clothes less than an hour away.

Your forces, instead of exterminating them in a puff of angel dust, lay out charts and flexible HDTV displays of charts of whole new societies so complexly fucked up that no one has any idea what's going on and no one wants to know -- but in the end, despite all this unnecessary bullshit, it all works -- and so ultimately all the bullshit must have NOT been so unnecessary, or, worse, must have not even BEEN bullshit.

But the children can't be convinced and so they do what they were trained to do, even though they'd, in the spirit of youth, resisted that training at the time: they turn their humiliation and homicide on themselves.

In the distance the adults watching this realize they have to act fast, even before they can finish their analyses and debug all the freshly soldered wiring. Fortunately, they have their core principles. Which state that consistency among and logic within ideas is an insult to the masses and will be dealt with via -- in the words of the sign in the tall grass outside the apartment of the girl next door -- armed response.

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