Friday, May 23, 1997
Please boycott (and/or smash!) our loyal anti-sponsors:

Kevork the Milky Way

NN, WW - (May 23) - At a press conference held in front of building X, early this morning, Joseph Y., CEO of Company Z, stated that he didn't want to discuss whether situation AA should or shouldn't be resolved by doing action BB.

"In the absence of the world," he said, "There is no such thing as 'fucked-up.'" And then refused to answer further questions that weren't related to Company Z's new product release, the claymation hologram CD, "Nothing Ado About Much," by Jillian Spearshake

"At last we can move the demons out of our souls, and directly into the world, through this exciting new technology," said Spearshake, licking the last few flecks of smack off the CEO's packet of promotional bull sperm or whatever, "And finally overwhelm the lie that people are not robots."

According to sources close to closeness itself, World Kevorkianism first arose on the set of "Nothing Ado About Much," during rehearsals, when it became apparent that the only response to violence was bean-counting, and, much to everyone's utter dismay, the only response to bean-counting -- was violence. -- Or else disingenuous, sanctimonious attempts at being both sensitive and a flaming, flying asshole in the same instant and in the same persona.

According to Spearshake, "Nothing Ado About Much" is about a gay male chiropractor who undergoes a sex change operation in order to have lesbian sex with his teen-age sister.

"In this CD hologram claymation whatever," said Spearshake, "I am exploring the themes of sex change operations, hot lesbian S&M incest, and chiropractic. See, once we have your complete 3-D dataset, we don't really need you anymore. Now, do we."

Spearshake's publicist, Sir Kevin Bacon, who also wrote all her claymation CD holograms except for "A Midnight's Dream Summer," claims that, "The high point of 'Nothing Ado About Much' comes when they're talking about bandwidth, but because there isn't enough bandwidth, they can't understand what they're saying, and so it slowly becomes clear that they'll never really be able to discuss the bandwidth problem until the bandwidth problem is solved, at which point, there's really no point in talking about it anymore."

Of course, in the absence of the legalization of the reanimation of long dead celebs to be high-cachet virtual hosts, why the fuck even bother, anyway?


Copyright (c) 1997 by C3F