Los Angeles, CA - (May 27) - Some people like to, you know, do it, others like to, you know, just watch, and still others just like to play with, you know, "samples."

And, according to CNN or TNN or whoever, out of those possibilities, Independent Proctologist, Kenneth Starr, has, apparently, picked --> Door Number 3 -- if you know what I mean.

Which is, apparently, according to the Wall Sheep Journal, why Starr, today, apparently issued a subpoena for some, you know, samples from world-famous 14- or 24-year-old figure skater or intern, or whatever, Monica Lapinsky or Lewinsky, or whoever.

"Gimme some a your fuckin' samples -- if you know what I mean -- yuh damn bitch," Starr told Lewinsky or Lapinsky or whoever, via intermittent pager link-up, if you know what I mean.

The White House immediately told Starr he should, like, "mind his own, like, fucking business, if you know what I mean," but Starr immediately defended his, you know, "actions," by claiming that, "Hey, my last CD was made up almost exclusively of, you know, 'samples' taken directly and almost exclusively, from, you know, like, Meatloaf, if you know what I mean -- and everybody just, you know, 'lapped it up.'"

Starr is apparently even, according to CNN or Newsweek, bending over backwards, if you know what I mean, to help Lapinsky or Lewinsky or whoever, collect her, you know, "samples."

"I would like to, in fact, help Lewinsky or Lapinsky or whoever, you know, 'collect' her, you know, 'samples,' if you know what I mean," said Starr. "So I've asked my lead prosecutologist to hand over, if, uhhh, you know what I mean, to Ms. Lapinsky or Lewinsky or whoever, the very same digital sampler, which I personally used on all my own CD's to get samples, you know, digitally, from, you know, like, Madonna and Cindy Crawford and The Beatles and The Rolling Stones and Schwarzennegar -- to name just a few."

Apparently, according to the Nude York Times or somebody, most of Starr's, you know, "equipment" has been supplied by the, you know, Digital (wink wink) Equipment (wink wink) Corporation -- if you know what I mean.