Friday, May 29, 1998
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Fleetwood Marx On Comeback Trail Again

The once popular singing group or ideology, or whatever, Fleetwood Marx, is apparently on the so-called comeback trail again, although, if they're not careful and take a wrong turn somewhere, they could just as easily wind up on the, you know, scumbag trail again, instead.

Anyway, with their recent purchase of Monica Lewinsky and a recent series of nuclear detonations in earth orbit, Fleetwood Marx has, apparently, almost overnight, made itself, once again, either a force to be reckoned with, or, at least, a wreck to be forced out of existence altogether.

In an exclusive interview with ESPN2 or the Animal Channel, Fleetwood Marx co-lead singer, Stevie Marx, admitted that popping off the nukes "was really just an utterly gratuitous 'manhood' kinda thing, whether anybody wanted our fucking 'manhood' rammed down their throats or not."

"Ownership and world abuse of the Monica Lewinsky brand name, is really the only part of this trifecta, or whatever, that matters." said Marx.

Marx also indicated that the group would soon be joining with Netscape or Intel or somebody to form a new national football league, to be called either the Union of Concerned Scientific Big Bad Motherfuckers, or something else.

"Our new football league," said Marx, "will be built around former football star, Daryl Lamonica, who will almost immediately marry our other property, Monica Lewinsky, who will, of course, at that point, be named Monica La Monica."

According to Marx, the new national football league will consist mostly of reruns of old convenience store security camera footage of customers buying slurpies and trying to steal copies of Play-Bi, "the Journal of wholesome, all-family obscenity and pornography."

"Nobody watches or listens to or cares about football or world nuclear war anymore, anyway," said Lamonica, speaking for her spokesperson who had not been notified, pending next of kin. "All anybody cares about, anymore, anyway, is what happens during the commercial break, and that's where we have all other media conglomerates and nationalities and political parties beat hands down, if you know what I mean."

Apparently, in between busted Hail Mary plays, the new ideology or football league or branded world power will be running the classic timeless ad where an attractive 30-ish housewife playfully struts and preens in front of the mirror in her tight little black dress, then pops a couplea the Dexatrims that got her that thin, and storms out of the house through a kitchen littered with smashed china and torn-off cabinet doors.

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