Monday, July 13, 1998
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The World - (July 13) - The so-called "World" breathed a collective sigh of relief, yesterday, as its motherfucking "Cup" finally ended.

The end came in fitting fashion, as one team beat another team by a score which was, essentially, just two integers separated by a hyphen, with the integer on the left, representing the so-called "score" of the so-called "winner," being larger than the integer on the right, representing the so-called "score" of the so-called "loser."

There was, of course, wild celebration in the streets of the country that so-called "won," and, of course, bitter disappointment in the hearts of the people of the country that so-called "lost." Not to mention in the hearts of the players of the team of the country that so-called "lost," some of whom will no doubt face certain death, if they even fucking try to set foot on the soil of the native country that once worshipped them.

But the sudden end of the so-called "World Cup" has left the so-called "world" sadly adrift in a state of utter statelessness. This is, apparently, because people everywhere must now suddenly come up with whole new excuses of their own to riot and beat the shit out of each other, and, spoiled by the World Cup, they're just not equal to the task anymore. Which could, sadly, lead to the end of the world since, as either Freud or CNN has pointed out, there is just simply no replacement in the human soul for beating the shit out of each other.

The World Cup is played by two teams, each trying to kick each other in the balls, and using a so-called "soccer" ball as the excuse for what they were "really" (wink wink) aiming at, when they apologize for "accidentally" kicking each other in the balls.

But of course, the apology is totally irrelevant, and just a formal part of the game, like the rosy scenarios of corporate shitbags, and the crowds already have all the excuse they need to go beat the shit out of absolutely anyone at all from absolutely anywhere else whatsoever.

Then after 2 hours of nobody so-called "scoring," everybody gets a so-called "penalty" kick (the penalty being for not having scored, apparently), until somebody so-called "wins." The country of the so-called "winning team" is then allowed to riot for a few days, or to hop in their Citroens and plow into a riot for a few days.

According to a word frequency distribution analysis of the CNN story on the subject:

"The to and a in for his was from of France. The but half Guivarc'h on World world French with minute second Cup Zidane. CNN. When Brazil had Djorkaeff we events final soccer.

"Worldcup he shot first SI ball at Taffarel who Brazilian minutes Desailly team post corner Brazilians back as Barthez Zagallo Ronaldo before this near said goal long into its nation images 45 off over.

"But time were sent teams will Carlos only our AP which never A midfielder got because have 24 championship made by lead Roberto Junior down.

"We it Leonardo fifth is defender chance. Zinedine Petit 27th head better beat Stephane another Sunday. Emmanuel Lilian 65th England Marcel 67th 60th 57th Denilson Host July... Click... Karembeu Edmundo Germany 22 Jacquet Dugarry Christophe Christian Cesar Cafu Said Sampaio 46th 22nd."

Everyone must now go back home and let their petty resentments build up all over again, until the next time the World wants to have a Cup.

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