Monday, July 27, 1998
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Joint Forces Take Southern California; Resistance Light

San Diego, CA - (July 27) - Claiming there's a bug in Southern California just like the bug in the year 2000, joint and joint-smoking ground forces from Iran, China, Libya, Mexico, and Turkey, swept quietly through major US coastal cities and towns from San Diego on the south to Santa Barbara on the north, early this morning, meeting with only light resistance from mostly leftover late-night partyers making desperate 5AM phone calls trying to get a ride back to San Berdoo or Poway.

Longtime Los Angeles resident, Rebecca Kramer, told reporters she's basically glad that other countries in the world are compassionate and thoughtful enough to come and try to save us from our own fucking bugs.

"This isn't a bug anyone in California is willing to talk about," said Kramer, best known as the inventor of the popular catch-phrase "the Status-Code is intended for use by automata and the Reason-Phrase is intended for the human user. The client is not required to examine or display the Reason-Phrase."

According to Kramer, people have known about this bug for decades but have chosen to either ignore it altogether, or to, in fact, embrace it as "a feature."

"Many people have built their whole lives around it," said Kramer, "and brag about it in their license plates and all over their fucking clothes."

The joint international troops are led by Generalissimo Meher Juana of Indo-Pakistan, who will also serve as the acting governor of the new independent state of southern California, to be called Massachusetts.

"This will no doubt set-up trademark disputes with other entities illegally calling themselves 'Massachusetts,'" said Juana in a press conference held in the new state's capital city, Sea World.

Juana, former lead singer of the Italian pop group, "The Grateful Deaf," said his first act as governor would be to bring all the people of the region together as part of the largest so-called "tabernacle" choir in the world, to be known as "The Graceful Dead."

According to Juana, "Everything will be OK if everybody just keeps her selfishness to herself."

Marshal law has been declared, and all residents will be required to wear outfits just like the one worn by Marshal Matt Dillon on "Gunsmoke."

When asked if air power would be used to enforce the new state's trademark claims, Juana's secretary of defense, Don King, told reporters, "It's not a big leap to see that certain portal players will jump into the interactive space. Consumers have capacity for four to five of these services, but real differentiators are those who go toward interactive television."

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