It's 3:41 AM, Pacific Time.  I'm stoned and hungry.
Buy my fuckin' book!! The Washington Pissed
Wednesday, Aug 4, 1999

Whole World Thing Suddenly Clears
Apparently the whole head thing world thing suddenly cleared out today.

Coach Rebecca Sunnybrook, of the Sunnybrook Farms Yankees, virtually admitted as much in a statement received just yesterday in the uhhhh, you know, the office, or somewhere.

"I can almost feel," Sunnybrook's statement indicated, "you know, the whole head thing world thing suddenly clearing out."

Sunnybrook attributes this feeling to learning how it doesn't matter if evolution is fundamentally a piece of shit anymore.

"It doesn't matter if evolution is a piece of shit anymore," she stated, "because apparently consciousness can process it any way it wants."

Though this apparently means we could all be free tomorrow by just flipping a fucking switch in the brain or in DNA somewhere, somehow there's a gap where everybody momentarily or forever blanks out about it and wakes up someplace else where people are pulling off billion dollar IPOs solely on the basis of totally fabricated backstories of heroic poverty and despair and massive promotional newsgroup spam-forgeries.

Union Carbide buys Dow
In an effort to drastically increase the number of smokestacks belching thick toxic black carcinogenic smoke directly into everybody's lungs...

Christians Release New Satan Branded PC
The Christian Church is launching a computer line for children, based on its popular bad-guy action figure, Satan. The $599 computer will feature an AMD K6-2 450 MHz processor, a 44X CD-ROM drive, 64 Megs of PC-100 RAM, an ASUS Super Socket 7 100Mhz motherboard, 2 USB ports, and a 4.3 Gigabyte harddrive. The machine will be solid black with a red picture of Satan on the keyboard and system unit, and on boot-up will say "Say-tan! Say-tan! Say-tan!" in a robotic Black Sabbath kinda voice. The monitor screen will also be painted black, so as to minimize the possibility of displaying Satan's mortal enemy, pornography.

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
Some picture of something that somehow should seem to go with this text, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry Diller gets it"

Cancer causes the sun

"Business" causes cancer in laboratory yaks, study finds

Tina Brown's new magazine apparently over

Tina Brown apparently over

Tina Brown apparently over

New Tina Brown already-over magazine sports cover about Tina Brown and magazine being already over

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Another opportunity to help salvage my fragile ego by buying my fucking book.  Thank you.

Copyright (c) 1999 by HC