There's Just All This Stuff!! Study Finds
A study just completed by the Hey We Just Completed a
Study Foundation, has apparently found that, apparently,
there's just all this, you know, stuff!!"
"Now, if we could just," the study concluded, "figure
all this stuff, you know, out."
Raging Bull Market Just Big Stoned-Out Boomer Munchie,
According to a report published in this week's
Economist, the raging US bull market has
absolutely nothing at all to do with federal monetary
policy or federal fiscal policy or American business
practises or corporate earnings or even the massive
bogus internet/hi-tech boom, but is rather simply the
obvious result of tens of millions of residually
stoned-out boomers just all simultaneously having one
big belated final attack of, you know, the munchies.
AA Becomes 3rd Party, Tracking Stock, Low-Budge
Encouraged by the success of reformed hardcore alcoholic
President George W. Bush, Alcoholics Anonymous, the
largest collection of sanctimonious self-righteous
former drunks in the world, today, announced they were
gonna change a few words in their business plan and
become the 5th or 6th US 3rd party.
"We feel," said Alcoholics Anonymous president, Joe
Anonymous, "that it's time for self-righteous,
sanctimonious, reformed alcoholic assholes to start
running the country."
When informed that they already do, except maybe for the
reformed part, Anonymous said, "Well, OK, then I guess
Alcoholics Anonymous will just have to become an
internet tracking stock instead."
When informed that the market was already glutted with
bogus internet tracking stocks, Anonymous said, "Well,
OK, I guess we'll just give some AA people a couplea
cameras and let 'em film each other being sanctimonious
and self-righteous for a couplea hours, then edit it
down to a $100 million dollar grossing film."
Dole Picks Goldberg
President Elizabeth Dole today, selected Whoopi Goldberg
to be her Vice President of the United States, to
replace Spiro Agnew who stepped down last week to start
his own website and low budget film production company.
If confirmed by Archer, Daniels, Midland, Goldberg would
become the first black woman vice president with a
Jewish name, since Dan Quayle.
QUAYLE EUTHANIZED -- A former vice-president of the
Untied States named Dan Quayle had to be euthanized
Sunday morning after he crashed through the rail during
a training session and suffered an unbowed-but-broken
cranium. The accident forced the track to close for the
remainder of the morning according to Del Mar
Thoroughbred Club spokesperson, Michael Dell.
Humor's just a joke, study finds
Glitch found in Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle -- so now everything's totally (gulp!) CERTAIN!
"I'm sorry, but there's no doctor for what you've got"
Microsoft blames Windows glitch on users watching too much MTV
Gore offers 4 cents a minute, everyday