Friday, October 2, 1998
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Being Over Is (Apparently) OVER!!!!!!

Apparently, according to Wired or Time "Magazines," the recent trend in things being just sooooo OVER, is, suddenly, itself, just sooooo, you know, fucking OVER.

This means, according to Time or Wired, that everything will now immediately stop being just so fucking OVER and immediately begin to just plain go on being NOT OVER AT ALL, forever -- or, at least, forever until being OVER itself stops being OVER and goes back to being what it used to be: i.e. NOT!!!! OVER.

"Everything being OVER, itself being over will allow us, for the first time," said Rebecca Sunnybrook, chief economist at Bear, Stearns and former Grateful Dead lyricist and Montana cattle rancher, "to tap into new distribution channels and reach new emerging markets and revenue-streams and golden revenue showers -- if you know what I mean."

According to Hollis Mosher III, chairman of the MIT Philosophy Department, "The apparent reason that being OVER is suddenly, itself, OVER, is apparently, because since everything was, you know, already just sooooo fucking OVER, there was really nothing left to be OVER, anymore, so being OVER had to start, itself, being OVER, in order to renew itself, and let everything that was already sooooo fucking OVER, stop being sooooo fucking OVER long enough, to eventually, one day, become robust enough to once more be, you know, just sooooo fucking OVER again, anew, all over again. If you know what I mean."

Guess What:   MIT Researchers Discover Something.

Researchers at -- guess where? -- right!, MIT, the Massachusetts Institute of Terminator-2 Fans, have just either discovered or proven beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the driving motivation behind all human activity is the fundamental human need to bum a cigarette.

"And matches, too," added Rebecca Sunnybrook, president and CEO of MIT. "And all other so-called "human" acts are merely sicko distortions of this basic drive, when it's not allowed to roam free."

"Also," said Sunnybrook, "as a by-product of our research on the primacy of bumming cigarettes, we have learned that History, as we know it, is just some software package that samples everyone on earth at each given moment and figures out, dynamically, exactly what fabrications need to be passed off as 'the past,' in order for people to not go out of their fucking brains from the accidental awareness, one day, that they only so-called "exist" in a pure and timeless vacuum and nothing really ever preceded them, and -- unless they fuck up really badly -- absolutely nothing, really, will ever follow.

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Copyright (c) 1998 by HC