Thursday, October 3, 1996
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Extropians Nip Cyber-Libertarians 1-0 in 12th

Baltimore, MD - (Oct. 3) - The Merced Extropians defeated the Stockton Cyber-Libertarians 1-0 in the bottom of the 12th, last night, to win the second game of the National Online Digital Cyber-Info League's Western Division Playoffs, and advance a step closer to meeting the winner of the American Digital Cyber Online E-cash League, for the Cyber-Online Digital Info World Series.

The inexplicably thrill-packed game went 11 scoreless innings before anyone even figured out what the rules were, and was utterly devoid of memorable moments -- with, apparently, no balls thrown, hit, or caught.

And since the names of players on both teams are being withheld, pending notification of next of kin, it's impossible to say who drove in or scored the winning run, or even how it happened. In fact, 10 hours after the final out was recorded, pundits of the game are still feverishly debating whether anything happened at all.

According to a member of the crew that covered the game for CSPAN, most of the actual play took place in the on-deck circle, where disgruntled ex-webmasters for the opposing teams took turns seeing who could hock, not necessarily the biggest, but certainly the most chemically complex logie at the most psychologically complex umpire.

The game lasted 2 hours and 45 minutes and was played in Bethesda's post-modern Nano-Nano Park, with dimensions of 85 Angstroms down the right and left field lines, 90 Angstroms to the power alleys in left and right, and 96 Angstroms to straightaway center field.

The crowd in the mostly empty stadium consisted of about 5 or 6 elitist humans who'd been bio-JPEGged into the nano-stands (with only about 10% loss, generally confined to the so-called "soul"), and who spent the entire game desperately trying to care.

The winner of the Online Cyber Info Hyper Digital World Series will receive a January '97 Time magazine cover story, and an all-expense-paid permanent vacation for two, to the oblivion pop-fad junk heap, to party forever with famous trends and people like Cyberpunk, Grunge, Peter Frampton, and hundreds of 3- or 4-syllable Latin American dances ending in "a."

The losers will be allowed to sink even more quickly into oblivion, with only passing junk-mentions in Suck.

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Copyright (c) 1996 by C3F