Wash, DC - (Oct 29) - Traffic all up and down Pennsylvania Avenue and all over Washington DC and surrounding cities and states was backed up for miles, today, as the 150-vehicle Presidential motorcade careened through busy intersections and private driveways alike, pulling Chinese Fire Drills at random stop lights in honor of visiting Chinese President, Jiang Zemin, who scarfed endless take-out cartons of Sweet and Sour Pork and Shrimp Fried Rice in the back seat of the Presidential limo with President Clinton and a couplea unnamed babes from either the DMV or the DMZ.

Occasionally the two leaders of the worlds' two most powerful nations, giggling like a couplea 6-year-olds and singing old Elvis songs in Pidgin Chinese and broken Pig Latin, would join their body guards, translators, and secret servicemen in dancing around the string of stopped cars -- then return to the back seat of the limo to continue debating the merits of brutal physical repression vs. brutal cognitive repression, once the light had turned green and the motorcade started up again.

"I just love a good Chinese fire drill in the morning," the raucous Clinton screamed out the window to the assembled crowds, who hadn't really assembled there to watch the motorcade at all, but were actually drivers forced from the road and out of their cars by the Presidential motorcade advance team of vicious armed thugs and goon squad rejects.

According to a Taiwanese video-bug placed in the roof of the limo, when Clinton tried to chastise Jiang for the imprisonment and mistreatment of political enemies, Jiang just sat there, dusting off the big FREE HUEY button on his lapel and expounding on how poor Bob Dole had been forced to humiliate himself, daily, on national TV, in commercials made to emphasize what a pathetic loser he is.

When Clinton tried to chastise Jiang for pirating all that American software and all those American movies, the Chinese president just looked startled and said, through his translator, "Stealing? From Microsoft? Stealing? From Disney? That's in the great American tradition of Robin Hood -- Steal from the rich scumbags, give to the downtrodden."

When Clinton tried to correct him saying, "Uhhh, Robin Hood's English, not American," The Chinese President just responded firmly, almost didactically through his interpreter: "The Rolling Stones are English. The Sex Pistols are English. Robin Hood's on the fucking Nashville Network!"

Greenspan

Fed Chairman Allen Greenspan told the Senate or House Banking and Finance or Whatever Committee today that, "Capitalists are a buncha fuckin' losers. And if you don't all blow me, right now, on National TV, I'll tank your whole fuckin' economy -- with a single word -- in my fuckin' sleep. Ya buncha sick ass-licks."