But now, after rising to the top in all their respective fields in a matter of weeks despite never having shown up for work even once, their joining together, 40 of them, in one of the top 10 most public mass suicides in history, has momentarily shocked the world.

No one stops talking about them. All that talent, all that raw brain power, all that earning potential, all they could have done for the world, gone to waste, thrown away at so young an age, and ON PURPOSE. Why?

Is it a slap in the face to achievement itself? A slap in the face to capitalism? To the human species. To life itself. To raw existence?

Unfortunately, we will never know. The perpetrators of this cruel hoax have all been put to death for conspiracy to dick with the most profound dreams of man.

These "scum", as the prosecutor referred to them, had created full lives out of thin air, random social security numbers, algorithmically-generated names and hand-tailored MMPI profiles. Then propelled these artificial "air people" up through the ranks of class and tribal structures, to the top of society, for the express purpose of publicly destroying them in the end, thereby creating a huge hole in the hearts of man which could only lead to world chaos and the fall of civilization.

These fun-loving hyper-active over-achievers, as the defense attorney referred to them, had merely carried a classic prank to its logical conclusion, matriculating not just one or two, but a coordinated set of 40 fabricated students through ivy league and other top universities at the same time.

And then, OK, so rather than let all these cool non-existing fabricated high-achievers (all graduating much higher than any of the people who'd contributed to creating them and taking their tests and winning scholarships to pay their tuition, and occasionally showing up in the flesh when need be) go to waste after graduation, why not just let them continue on their career path into high positions already calling out to them from the social order? How utterly innocent. How utterly non-invasive.

The defense lawyer assured the judge that the mass suicide was never planned, never even envisioned. It arose, he claimed, naturally, when the artificial high-achieving fabricated people and the real corporate-capital-human nature-driven political economic biologic world collided.

"Despite being at the top of their fields and the apex of society, even disembodied artificial non-existent people," he said, "just wanna die when confronted with the sentence of 'life' in the corporate world. And, being artificial, whatever they dream becomes reality."

And the people behind the soul-destroying nationwide longitudinal prank? Innocent high-school friends who'd dreamed it up the summer before freshman year of college.

But now, given the opportunity, before dying, to explain themselves and apologize, they refuse to do either. Or to even acknowledge just how deep they've stuck the knife of some ironic or paradoxical truth into the soft throbbing gut of the world's social orders and dynamic lack of possibility.

Instead, they order for their last meal undeliverable shit like the cosmos, like infinity, like the moon, like the Mississippi River, like the urine of dead celebrities.

At their funeral, the president gave the eulogy. Even fabricated life is sacred, the president said in defense of the death penalty for these people. And these people, the president said, have fabricated these lives and then had these fabricated people murder themselves against their own fabricated free will. And this, according to the constitution, is no different at all from those movies on Telemnudo or Univision, whichever, where there's a big field and everybody drives up in their pickup trucks and then they all get out and slowly, systematically proceed to shoot each other down. Everyone out in the open, only a few feet apart, no one trying to shield themselves, everybody taking his or her own sweet time so there's plenty of time for him or her to shoot a few people and plenty of time for him or her to be shot several times simultaneously by many different people, with multiple spurts of blood emitted from all over the body on multiple simultaneous ostensible impact.

Of course, when the President said "free will" he was really thinking of the movie "Free Willy." And, of course, when he thought of "Willy," he was really thinking of the object of his own personal name for his dick.

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