Round
Acid     The
Clock
Friday, July 9, 2004
Give War a Chance
source: Dumpster Diving 101 summer session
posted: July 9, 2004, 1:01 pm
by: djs
Because War has, for too long, been given a bad rap by all its dead dying wounded and collaterally damaged, as well as by all those thousands of comfortable armchair war haters who've never known the rush of being on either end (giving or receiving) of a 500 or thousand pound bomb, we today are pleased to announce a world-wide, multi-million dollar ad campaign which will tout the glory of war and of military service, and will do so honestly, with much open lying and deceit.

Concurrent with this ad campaign, recruitment centers will be opened everywhere in towns and cities all over the world, in schools, churches, shopping malls, factories, whore houses, casinos, bathrooms, Starbucks, Wal-Marts, gun shows, McDonalds, county fairs, cranberry bogs, sporting events, and doctors' offices.

These centers will be recruiting for a new army, and will accept into it, no questions asked, all the hundreds of millions of people who come away drooling from our ad campaign.

These people will then all be trained together in the most advanced techniques of warfare, and all given the same advanced weapons, guns, RPGs, and then all sent back to their individual home nations wearing a uniform specific to that nation.

Then, each of these new national pickup armies will be sent, all expenses paid, each from his home nation as a unit representing that nation, to Antarctica where each army will be given its own hill of ice to defend and then all armies will proceed to fight each other to the death, with daily satellite images broadcast world-wide to show the folks at home the big picture of the shifting landscape of slaughter.

Then, after however many years, when the armies have all finally exterminated each other and themselves and only one man is left standing, that man will be flown back to his nation, which is declared the winner, and all the youth of that nation, along with all the youths of all other participating nations, will be flown free of charge to a magnificent multi-billion dollar city, recently constructed specifically for this event in a relatively isolated location within the borders of the winning nation, to celebrate the great victory of the host country -- this celebration to consist mostly of trashing the living shit out of the glamorous glorious city just constructed, until it's razed to the ground and everybody's drunk out of their minds and has fucked virtually everyone else alive -- since all the fuckable people on earth have been flown, all expenses paid, to the glorious city, in advance of the celebration, for the express purpose of being fucked to death by the legitimate celebrants of the great military victory or whatever happened in Antarctica a couplea years ago that we only saw these schematic satellite photos of.

Unfortunately, of course, after this -- since all the willing warriors of the world are now dead, and all the fuckable people too -- all war will have been eliminated and all sex, and then, once (using analogous techniques) all religions, the family, the bourgeoisie, the working class, the aristocracy, and all corporate capitalist robot shitbags have been gotten rid of too, maybe then we can all just kick back and have a fucking decent world around here, for a change.

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copyright © 2004 by HC