But Creation's math could not predict any faster than its algorithms could actually play out in time. So it could not have known in advance that when the cosmos took its 111th crap, out would come Life.

Therefore, your honor, I would ask you to please desist from any further ass-kissing of rationality, and find the defendant, Creation, GUILTY anyway -- despite its obvious innocence -- of the crime of playing just a little too fucking fast and loose with itself.1

With that, the prosecution rested and the defense stood up to present its case.

Once upon a time, the cosmos saw Life as just an utter fucking joke -- maybe the biggest fucking joke in the cosmos. Even Tau particles and muon-antineutrinos were laughing.

And so Life today should still just be the biggest fucking joke in town, but, unfortunately, at some point, Life found a way to force everybody to take it dead seriously.

And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Life has clearly taken a wrong turn, and people have had to be hired to keep other people in line.

Then, as you know, Life was bought out and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Under new management, Life's new, paid purpose was to give more consequence to the utter lies that couldn't exist at all without it.

Accordingly, the history of ideas has been determined by the flawed ideas of people who realized they were forceful and wanted everybody else to realize it too.

And, since, your honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it's gauche to talk about one's success and painful to talk about one's failure, there's really nothing much left to be said about anything at all anymore.

And the defense rested.

In the press box many of us were thinking, shit, if I could just rhyme 'catastrophe' with 'apostrophe' I could launch a whole new career and get the fuck out of this incomprehensible justice business.

But I/we couldn't.

To cheer us up while the jury deliberated, they showed The 3 Stooges, but that just made us all more depressed -- even though we knew the 3 stooges invented Shakespeare and were the primary evangelists for the idea that feeling anguish over mental constructs without physical reality was the evolutionary leap that allowed for or mandated society.

"Despite their apparent lack of language, societal animals like hyenas and wolves still 'understand' interpersonal angst at deep chemo-cognitive levels2 -- uhhh woob- woob-woob-woob-woob," Curly Joe always used to say.

Notes

1. to the detriment of its many subclasses and the subclasses' subclasses and the subclasses' subclasses' subclasses, and so on.

2. For example, the neural embodiment of:

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