But now the food surplus crisis is being blamed for causing the housing surplus crisis. The housing surplus crisis has done much the same thing with rents as the food surplus crisis did with restaurant tabs, and all apartments now come rent-free and real estate agents pound the pavement to find people willing to take free 12- and 14-room houses off their hands for no down payment, no mortgage, no closing fee, nothing. Sometimes they even throw in a free car to go with the house. Their own Mercedes.

Of course, this only starts happening when the real estate agents are given advance warning of the coming car surplus crisis, and they know that, within days of giving away their crappy old Mercedes to someone for taking a free piece of shit 20-million dollar mansion off their hands, they'll be able to run down to Mossy Nissan or wherever and pick up a couplea free Mazzerattis and Lamborghinis or whatever with free full tanks of gas and built-in flat-panel HDTV units as incentive to take these piece of shit surplus Mazzerattis and Lamborghinis off the dealership's bleeding hands.

What's weird, however, is despite having all these high performance cars on our highways, sucking up gas like, you know, big expensive high performance cars or satellite launch vehicles, we haven't been able to avoid the gas surplus crisis which just started a few days ago and now all gas station owners are running up to people on the street and grabbing them by the collar and making them bring their car and if they don't HAVE a fucking car, they fucking GIVE them one, and make them fill their tank, and then buy big 200 gallon auxiliary tanks and make them fill those too, so now every car on the road is a mobile rolling bomb.

And so the debris collectors have already been warned about the coming accidental car bomb explosion surplus crisis on the island and they all have their special suits and debris collection boxes ready, except, deep down inside, as human beings, as PEOPLE, they don't care about any of this, but, instead, are focused on what no one wants to talk about -- what affects them most directly as people, as human beings -- man's big dirty secret 900-pound elephant in the room standing in the corner with your crazy aunt.

They, uhh, you know, they don't wanna talk about what's left when everything's free. How all that machinery that ran when things WEREN'T free just can't stop. And what it gets turned against next. And what the only thing left that isn't free is.

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