According to them, you should have died last week. According to them you're just a bundle of maxed-out risk factors with a street address and a drivers' license. According to them, the only possible hope for you is a long road trip in a short autoclave.

At first you didn't consciously seek out the risk factors most conducive to early sudden stupid death -- they came pre-installed in your DNA, like Windows XP in your PC.

But, hey, ever see a longevity guru on TV? Ever hear a prescription for living a long healthy life (not to mention the fucking music they play behind it)? And, if yes to both, was there then any possible course open to you other than to dedicate your life to doing the diametric opposite of what these people said was good -- and living forever in spite or because of it?

OK, so here you are now, in the early stages of living forever and since you're doing the opposite of what everybody says you need to do to live, you don't have a job or wear clothes or know what time or day it is and you don't eat or sleep or exercise or avoid carbohydrates.

And then you start to notice that because the rest of the world is so busy trying and failing to stay alive and you are so unbusy NOT trying to do anything, you notice that out there, in the so-called objective reality known as the world, all the songs you hear are written and sung by you, and you're playing all the instruments and dubbing in all the background vocals.

And all books, films, and software are similarly conceived, designed, produced and distributed by YOU. And all laws are unanimously passed and promptly and effectively implemented by YOU.

And all games are won by YOUR teams, and YOU are all their players. And YOU are the only one having sex. And when people are crushed, they are crushed to a powder reusable only as filler in pills and capsules whose active ingredient is always all YOU.

And every drive of your ego is gloriously fulfilled and, in accord with only the least of them, all other egos on earth are reduced to doing nothing but running all the sort algorithms of history on all the history of hand-waving and misunderstanding.

The suffering masses are therefore, now, all your children and your parents and your siblings, and you don't give a fuck about them because the fundamental unit of cognition is more important and they are all its victims -- so if you devote all your effort to finding it and you don't find it, then they are all dead before they are born, anyway, and YOU killed them.

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