You'd had to invent this world because it didn't already exist and now you had to live not only with your own fuckups, but with the fuckups your fucking world created on its own, independent of its start condition, you.

In your defense, you could say, hey, but how about fucking mathematics, fucking physics, fucking understanding, fucking pleasure, fucking cognition, fucking computation, fucking meta-anything, and you could go on...

But why bother, cause you know they're coming down the hall now, in columns of three, and when they get to you what they're gonna say no matter what you say, they're gonna say, Yeah, but what about your fucking Cambrian Explosion?! What a piece of shit that was! and what about fucking pain?! -- why not just ring a bell and flash some red light in your head?!

Of course your critics come from the world you created so they owe you. OK, they say when you reluctantly call in your markers, and they change the word 'shit' to the word 'crap' when describing the fucking Cambrian Explosion your pathetic world just couldn't seem to avoid having in order to get from there to here.

But they keep pressuring till, finally, you offer to try again. To re-start the cosmos from nothing again and hope that, by the law of averages, pain and the Cambrian Explosion won't happen this run, and that, by the law of stupidity, everything else will.

Of course you're partly lying since, actually, you know all you really have to do is evolve from nothing the way it went the last time, but this time, when you get to the Cambrian Explosion you just have to go into pause mode (which is what the pre-Cambrian Explosion period fucking WAS in the first place -- a pause while the cosmos felt its way forward -- it happened to make the wrong choice, last time, is all), and just find a workaround that doesn't necessitate predation and pain. Unfortunately, whether this can be done can't be known till you get there, as also can't be known exactly WHAT can be done. So you have to get the money and equipment and crew fully paid up front. And they need to possess all possible skill and the full range of flexibility.

Also, you can't predict what will happen AFTER your jury-rigged Cambrian Explosion workaround kicks in, so you have to go along for the ride. And by the time you're about a mile out, if you notice the standard relation between cause and effect changing till finally it's becoming irony, that means you're in trouble and better turn the fuck around fast, or just slam hard into a wall and end it.

And then, where will the possible apex of the cosmos have taken the whole fucking show on a whim?

So maybe let's all just stick to eating flesh and the reproductive intention of other species, till we at least have down the set theoretic proof of how nothingness ineluctably breeds time, and how, as a result, the algorithmic primitives and the library of their useful agglomerations, self-organize -- so the rest is just history and physics as we know it.

Notes

1. ...wouldn't be any more races because there were so many races that everybody came in first and when everybody comes in first they aren't really races anymore.

permanent link to this article