Thank you for not reading this article, page, site, or novel and for not even accessing it in the first place.

As a result of your not reading this article, page, site, or novel, we don't have to fucking worry about fucking offending your fucking stone age fucking sensibilities and therefore we are free to say or do whatever the fuck we want. We also do not have to make any half-hearted attempts to appeal to your sickening tastes, predilections, fetishes, or infantile longings, thereby saving us the embarrassment of hating ourselves that much more.

And because you are not reading this, we are able to engage in the most profound and off-the-wall experimentation reaching bold new heights of creation and understanding and making startling discoveries never dreamed of before, which no one would want falling into the hands of worthless scumbags like yourselves, and which we'd therefore have to leave out, if you were reading this.

Of course, if you've read THIS far then, obviously, you're NOT a non-reader at all, and none of the above curses and profanity apply to you. In fact, I have it on good authority, that by virtue of being a reader of this article, page, site, or novel, your life expectancy has just been doubled, your rent/or mortgage payment has just been halved, and all your food for the next year will be free.

So thank you for being a reader of this article, page, site, or novel. By reading it you have done your share to prevent the destruction of the cosmos by helping keep our fragile egos just slightly above the breaking point. That's, you know, the point at which, when it (our egos) drops below it (the point), we suddenly start to go all wacky and could easily give away hard-earned Minuteman launch codes to random falafel vendors on the streets of Jalalabad, or social engineer a Norad secretary into shutting down the continental power grid with a quick burst of surprise stealth fighter-bomber sneak attacks.

-- the Eds.

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