Better Faster Be$t$eller$

for the week of March 20, 1995

( Note: Better Faster titles are entirely the result of algorithmically compressing (or compacting together) the less dense, slower titles of the current Publishers Weekly Be$t$eller List.)

Hardback: Fiction and Non

1. The Celestine Bedtime Stories
   Patterson James
   TurnerWarner/3M/SGI, $239.00
   Last Week: 1, Weeks on List: 111,106
2. Time to Correct the Warrior Treatment
   Seinfeld with Fyodor Dostoevsky
   AT&T/MCI/Microsoft/IBM Press, $2391.50
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 4445
3. Who Blew the Game?
   Jim John LeJames
   General Foods/Mitsubishi Books, $523.00
   Last Week: -- , Weeks on List: 54
4. Time to Whistle the Music of the Original Prophecy
   Robertson Spencer Patterson
   Motorola/SGI/PacTel/Asylum/Electra, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 9
5. The Silent Green of McNally's Treatment County
   Jimmy Garnerson James
   Quadrupleday, $4239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 48
6. Kiss the Glass Bridges of Time
   OJ Simpson & Bruckheimer
   Double-Simon-Day Warner/Eckhardt, $1.00
   Last Week:--, Weeks on List: 9
7. Men are From the Hot Zone, Women Are From the Surface of Common Sense
   Preston Sargent
   Youconcom Publishing, $523.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 655,332
8. I Want to Market You
   O.J. Simpson with Walt Disney
   Varner/Wiacom/Beetlesmann, unpriced
   Last Week: 4, Weeks on List: 3000
9. I Want to Discipline You
   O.J. Simpson with Pauline Reage
   Nabisco/Warner/Malone Books, free, online
   Last Week: 5, Weeks on List: 37,593
10. Digital Sin
    Patterson Robertson Nicholson
    Radon House, $323.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 210
11. Anthropologist in the Kitchen with the Market Leaders
    James Jackson Brown
    Psilocybin House, $2239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 3
12. The Commonsense of Investment in Mars
    Rosie Roberts Rogers
    Crank House, $239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 15,555
13. Breaking Sense
    John Malone with OJ Simpson
    Crystal House, $240.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
14. Breaking the Market
    Stevenson Mike John
    Warner/Viacom/Sony/GM Books, $241.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
15. Breaking Being
    Jean-Paul Patterson
    ABC/CBS/NBC/Fox Books, $242.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 2
16. Spiritual on the Surface
    Deepshit Choptliva
    SGI/Compuserv/Betty Crocker Media, $243.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 1
17. Digital You
    Roberts Prestonson Jameson
    Wheeeeecom, $244.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 2

Paperback: Mass Market and Trade

1. Tom Clancy's Stupid Accident
   Patterson James Robertson
   Radioactive House, $323.00
   Last Week: 6 , Weeks on List: 654
2. Shipping the Soul
   OJ Simpson with Bart Simpson
   Asbestos House, $1239.00
   Last Week: 26, Weeks on List: 3,279,009
3. Makes Me Wanna Do Ten Highly-Effective Stupid Things to 7 Driven People
   James Richard Roberts
   Smack House, $22239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 655
4. Mistress After Daybreak; Lovers Until Tomorrow
   JP Sartre with Faye Resnick
   Peer Press, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 665
5. Makes Me Wanna Die, Again and Again
   John Malone with Faye Resnick
   Turner/Warner/Diller/Sting/Cher/Fabian, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 566
6. What to Expect from Death
   Sting with Cher
   Resnick/Malone/Electra, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 9
7. What to Expect from Time
   Cher with Dion
   Pfumpf, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 55
8. What to Expect from the Soul
   Fabian with Vanity and OJ Simpson
   Kerplunk, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 8
9. The Way "Time" Makes the Soul Die
   Trenton Quarrantino
   Warner/Gurdjieff/Khaddaffi, $239.00
   Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 24
10. Driven to Expecting
    Patterson Preston James
    Flesh Press, $2399.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 45
11. Driven to Breakfast
    Jimmy-Ferdinand Celinson
    Octupleday, $239.00
    Last Week: 17, Weeks on List: 59
12. Ten Stupid People Mess Up the Prophecy
    Prince with Tiffany
    Times/Time/Spy/Electra Books, $8239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 6
13. The Day After the Soul
    Bertolucci & Shapiro
    Nonupleday, $2398.00
    Last Week: 18, Weeks on List: 234
14. The Way to Die When What You're Expecting is Chicken Soup
    Gary Shandling with Franz Kafka
    Simon and Simon, $9239.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 9999
15. How to Mess Up the Toddler's First Year
    OJ Salinger
    Garfunkle and Garfunkle, $2397.00
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 111
16. Embraced Until Daybreak by the Gold Angel of the Op-Center
    DJ Salinger with OJ Pynchon
    Warner/Lambert/Gopac/Opec, $2396.50
    Last Week: --, Weeks on List: 11

Last week's list


Previous lists


Current PW list at Books.com


Current PW list at Bookwire

Also Check Out:

The Runaway, Blockbuster
On-line Serial Anti-Novel --
The Autobiography
of Being Pissed Off

The home page of History's most
psychotic global publishing empire