Round
Acid     The
Clock
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Christ's Cut
source: The New Testagon
posted: Jun 4, 2004, 12:01 am
by: djs
Christ stopped by today -- or was it yesterday -- and boy was he pissed! Which is apparently why he's chosen to return to earth at this time.

Of course, what he's pissed about is this whole Mel Gibson, thing. See, Gibson gave the Holy Ghost, like, TOTAL screenplay credit on his "Passion" flick, and, meanwhile, what does Christ get? Bupkus! That's what Christ gets. Not even a lowly associate producer credit. Not even a craft service credit for the last supper.

But what really got Christ (prematurely) on his Holy Teleporter back to earth was when someone snuck him a bootleg copy of the raw, unedited footage of Diane Sawyer's interview with Gibson. Moments after he finished watching it on his combo DVD/VCR unit, and moments before taking off, it is written that Christ spaketh something along the lines of "man, I gotta sue this douchebag Gibson's ass off. Guy's so slimy he makes that sleaze Paul look like a saint."

Though Christ's lawyer is currently in talks with Gibson's lawyer, Gibson has adamantly refused to compromise the Truth with Christ's self-serving version of history and is even counter-suing, accusing Christ of returning to earth under false pretenses, not to bring the kingdom and salvation for the righteous, but in order to do a pirate re-mix of "the Passion" flick, where he's totally changed the subtitles so now all they say (more accurately) is either "Oy Vay!!!" or "Jesus Fucking Christ!!!"

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