Acid     The
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Picked To Live
source: Barcolounger Annual Report
posted: August 25, 2004, 11:01 am
by: rmk
He walked into the real world and shoplifted something from it. Then he took this thing back from out of the real world in to where he lived in the unreal world. He had this apartment. It was unreal! You know?

So he took the thing he'd shoplifted from the real world -- a massage chair -- and set it up in his unreal living room.

The chair seemed to vibrate which would have been appropriate if it had been plugged in and turned on and in the real world, but it was none of these, and appeared to vibrate because when you put something from the real world into an1 unreal world it becomes, like, all highly quantumly uncertain, or whatever, oscillating between all possibilities when you're not looking, then settling down just in time whenever you happen to glance at it, so you think it's really there, but it's still vibrating a little cause it can't totally settle down fast enough.

Of course, when something from the real world comes into the unreal world and starts to vibrate, the unreal world becomes uncertain too. Suddenly it has this shaky thing in its midst and it doesn't know what to do with it and soon, it starts shaking too. Maybe the unreal world is more real than it wants to be. Than it deserves to be. Than it should, by definition, be.

There's as much fear in the unreal world that this chair has brought the real world with it, as there is on the part of the chair that maybe it's NOT one of 7 pieces of furniture, picked to live in a house and find out what happens when people stop pretending and start getting REAL (i.e. drinking, going out to bars, drinking, having repressed sex, drinking, bars, jail, repressed sex, drinking, drinking, minor skirmishes with locals, drinking, talking about sex, talking about drinking, talking about talking about sex while drinking while drinking, etc.)

So microorganisms from each side commingle at the edges of each modality, contemplating full-on TRANSFER.2

Things got so woozy, as a result, he thought he needed to go shoplift something new from the real world to balance off the effects of the chair.

What is the opposite of a chair he thought, and he answered without hesitating that it was art, because a chair lets you plop your ass in it or down on it, but art doesn't wanna have anything to do with your ignorant ass.

The title of the exhibit he went to shoplift at was "Art That Is Not About Getting Laid," and everybody showed up because they thought it must be some kind of joke.

When they got there, the room was completely empty, and when they looked around they realized that the museum was completely empty and then when they wandered out into the streets, they found that the city was completely empty too, and not just of people.

However, instead of stop, the street signs said things like: there is another nothing you think you know.

Then, farther down on the next corner, there'd be a sign that said "You think you know this nothing, but, really, the nothing you know is ANOTHER nothing."

There were no turns off this street and you couldn't U-turn and there were no driveways or even lawns to cut across so you had to proceed down to the next corner where as with the previous two there was a sign that instead of stop said: "and the name of this nothing is you."


1. The article "an" here specifies that, though there is only ONE real world, there are many, or at least more than one, UNreal worlds.

2. The two feed off each other at right angles -- and this in fact is the definition of right angles, or the reason why there even fucking ARE right angles. Because the real and unreal worlds have to have a STANDARDIZED way to interoperate. And it has to run across all time, and any changing it does has to be in accord with the fundamental law of information -- itself.

But that's irrelevant here at this time.3 What IS relevant is that the chair, being a chair, does not understand quantum physics the way humans being humans understand quantum physics and so the chair thinks it's doing what it's doing because it's just trying to fucking BE in an unreal world.

While the humans realize that symmetry is just an artifact, and that things are NOT symmetrical AT ALL in any dimension above the one that everybody wastes their time perceiving in.4

3. Oooops.

4. (footnote 4. removed by fact-checking department due to containing ONLY sentence in all of Acid Round the Clock that could not be proven mathematically by crack teams of Fields Medal-winning mathematicians working round the clock on peyote.)

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