Thank you Allergic reaction, anxiety, chest pain so much for chills, constipation, heartburn, high blood pressure all the wonderful decreased sex drive, difficulty sleeping, pharmaceuticals, commercials, dizziness, diarrhea, boils side-effects, and killer pricing policies. enlarged breasts in men, eye irritation, fainting, Of course you shouldn't feel bad gas, general feeling of unwellness, gout, that you long ago hair loss, hemorrhoids, hives had to give up as unprofitable inflammation of pancreas, impotence, joint pain, the search for any real cure liver disorders, loss of appetite, vaginal inflammation for any of the sickening diseases memory loss, sudden death, indigestion that plague man muscle cramps, muscle disorders, nerve disorders because, after all, runny nose, nausea, shortness of breath since the placebo effect, black-tarry stool, sweating, swelling will take care of it all anyway, tingling, tremor, ulcers you really shouldn't have vertigo, vision disorders, gastrointestinal inflammation even had to bother looking, in the first place. flu-like symptoms, flushing, bursitis

But the real reason I am writing you Abnormal vision, fainting, fever is to let you know the results of a 15 year study I have recently completed at MIT in conjunction with acid indigestion, nasal congestion, urinary tract infection Brigham and Women's Hospital. abnormal dreams, abnormal ejaculation, vomiting Our findings, it turns out, will save you asthma, Abdominal pain, back pain, Lots of money and so bloodshot eyes, bone pain, breast enlargement, we would like to get in on cataracts, coordination problems, muscle pain the ground fucking floor. cough, depression, difficulty breathing, Now just what IS our fucking discovery difficulty swallowing, dilated pupils, you are probably asking. drowsiness, herpes, well, simply put dry mouth, emotional or mental disturbances, eye inflammation or pain, it's like this. other eye disorders, fainting, falling, See, it turns out that genital problems, gout, gum inflammation, not only are all the cures you claim for your drugs, attributable in 99% of the cases to the placebo effect, heart problems, increased night-time urination, but now, according to our study, increased pressure in the eyes, insomnia, it turns out that the itchy skin, joint disease, light sensitivity, FUCKING SIDE EFFECTS, are also loss of bladder control (urinary incontinence), you know, caused by the placebo effect as well. migraine headache, muscle ache Who knew? numbness, oral inflammation, painful erection But, of course, what this means is prolonged erection, raised skin patches vast money saving for you as you will no longer have to spend all that rapid or throbbing heartbeat hard-earned research money, trying to come up with ever more rectal bleeding, respiratory inflammation, malevolent and virulent side effects to stay ahead or just keep up in the race for ringing in the ears, seizure, sinus and throat inflammation whose piece of shit med does the best job skin rash, skin ulcer, slow reflexes, of conning that buncha sickos out there stomach or intestinal inflammation, into believing that weakness, Heart attack, stroke the more obnoxious and virulent dangerous surges in blood pressure, respiratory tract infections, stomach discomfort the side effects are swelling of the legs and ankles bronchitis, fatigue the more "potent" back strain, baldness, blisters (i.e. successful) the drugs will be bloody nose, blurred vision, cartilage problems thereby triggering the placebo effect confusion, conjunctivitis (pinkeye), cysts and the justification for decreased mental alertness, dental pain, dermatitis paying you lots and lots of money drowsiness, ear infection, ear pain, ear ringing, ear wax, fluid in the lungs for the right to fucking sweating, swelling, Abdominal bloating HEAL THEMFUCKINGSELVES. fungal infection, gas, gastrointestinal infection, hallucinations, hepatitis, hernia of the diaphragm impaired sensitivity to touch, inability to urinate, infection Sincerely, insomnia, joint pain and swelling, kidney failure, laryngitis, liver failure, menstrual disorder, mouth infection, mouth and throat sores, muscle spasms, muscle nail problems, numbness, painful urination, pelvic John Q. Sicko pain, pneumonia, rapid or slow heartbeat, sciatic pain severe increase in blood pressure, severe skin peeling, skin dryness, skin inflammation, skin tingling or burning, sore throat, sweating, swelling, taste disturbances, tendon inflammation, tingling sensation, tonsillitis, vein problems, weight gain, wheezing

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