Round
Acid     The
Clock
Monday, June 14, 2004
System Upgrade Notification
source: obsessive compulsive disorder
posted: Jun 14, 2004, 12:01 pm
by: djs
Notice:

This system has just been upgraded.

The reason for this system upgrade is to improve the loading speed of this page.

This system upgrade manifests most noticeably in that, now, ony the 2 or 3 most recent articles are loaded (no pun) and displayed at the top of the page, whereas, previously, ALL previous articles for the current month were loaded (no pun) causing significant slowdowns in page loading, especially with that piece of shit Microsoft Explorer.

The remaining articles which are NOT loaded (no pun) and displayed are shown, instead, as empty borders with the title of the undisplayed, unloaded (no pun) article at the top. As indicated, clicking the title will load and display the article in its fucking box. The page itself will not reload.

If you experience any difficulty or improper functioning of this page other than that coming from its "content", please notify us by clicking the contact button and typing your system problem into the box. Please keep all other problems to yourself.

Note that this page has been tested with Netscape 7.1 and Explorer 6.0, and, theoretically, Explorer 5.5 and 5.0 "should" work too. If you are using some other browser, you probably won't even be able to read this and so you won't know why you are just seeing bullshit, so why am I even fucking bothering to say this here?

Well, I suppose I am fucking bothering to say it in the hopes of turning this fucking system upgrade notification into something with far more far-reaching implications. I mean, what would be cooler than a system upgrade notification that suddenly went all wacky and had ramifications for understanding, like, all the shit that came before the big bang, and before there was time, and the true nature of consciousness, and you know, the nature of the control of cell differentiation, and, like, "why they hate us?", and when is Christ coming back, and what's he gonna be wearing, and what's REALLY gonna happen to all those people running around clutching copies of the Left Behind Series, arms extended screaming Me, Me, Me, Me, Hey Jesus man, don't fucking forget ME! Tim LaHaye game me your word!

Unfortunately, and, of course, needless to say, this system uprgrade notification does none of those things -- it simply invokes them in the hopes that you, YOU, will take care of them on your own and soon. I mean, I would, but, you know, I'm just too fucking busy doing system upgrades and writing fucking system upgrade notifications that don't transcend themselves.

[Hey, and be thankful I didn't tell you about the fucking intermittent bug that happened only in Explorer, not Netscape, and somehow inexplicably seemed to depend on the number of characters in the title you click on to get the unloaded (no pun) articles to load (no pun). I swear. And there was ABSOLUTELY NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS. I mean, if the title had 20 or 23 letters as in "Stockholm City Blues" or "At Home In the Universe", it would fuck up the page in ways I won't describe, but by deleting a single letter, the fucking up ceased. This delayed deployment of this system upgrade by many hours, and there was much swearing and thowing shit and many neighbors calling police to see what the fuckig fuss was, so, "dear fucking reader" I hope you fucking appreciate this fucking system uprgrade, the notification for which is now OVER.

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copyright © 2004 by HC