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| Thursday, June 24, 2004 |
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| Thursday, June 24, 2004 |
| Totally Doped-Up Baseball |
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source: Doped-Up Dodgers PR
posted: Jun 24, 2004, 9:30 pm by: djs |
Of course, when the totally stoned-out person went out to try to
get backers for a totally doped-up baseball league that would be part of the majors and would draw from current top talent who seriously wanted to just max it all the fuck out and were willing to take it to extremes of artificiality and chemistry, he was of course treated with, ahhh, that's just some doped up stoner idea -- one of a million doped up stoner ideas, all of which have the same structure, follow the same formula: that formula being "wow, wouldn't it be cool if we took some dead serious hardcore thing from the lameass fucked up world, something that turns all its players into robots of desire-cum-despair, and let's have a version now where all the players are totally stoned out or doped up and totally don't give a shit about anything, and they just turn all their volume knobs up to ten, and peg all their needles in the red zone, and max out all their bodily and cerebellar functioning, max out their rates and volumes of output of fluids, words, objects, products, all chakras blasted open, blood flow at the speed of light, and they throw away all the old ancient human motivations, so whatever they do now, they're not doing them for ANY of the reasons anyone ever did anything or anything like them for before. They would tell you what these motivations are, but you wouldn't understand. Not because of YOU, but because your language your society doesn't contain the words or concepts so of course translation isn't possible."
And of course, everywhere the stoner went with the idea for Totally Doped-Up Baseball he heard analogues of the same ostensibly logical argument about how his was just an analogue of the same fundamental stoner idea which they get a million of up the wazoo every day -- BUT that, hey, every 10 or 15 years there's this point where things get so utterly fucked up in the world's people's conception of life that history is suddenly sitting there naked, impotent, CALLING OUT FOR some really fried-out, off-the-wall idea -- and where better to look than in the huge vat where all these way the fuck out there stoner ideas have been stored for just this moment -- so one day in some future, with the world suddenly so lost it needs some new unheard of obsession to clear its head, a hand will go into the vat of fucked up ideas -- and maybe the hand would come out with TOTALLY DOPED-UP BANKING, in the hopes of saving the world, or maybe, at the odds of a million to one, it'll come out with totally doped-up baseball. Of course the rest is history. The day after the stoner was told not to call them, they'd call him, his phone rang. Unfortunately he was too stoned to answer, and Totally Doped Up Baseball became the most amazing sensation in the history of man or at least in the history of sensation, without him. But of course and either in spite of or because of his not being in anyway vengeful or in any way giving the least shit about it for that matter, he was avenged anyway, because Totally Fucked Up Totally Doped Up Baseball didn't just last for a year until people "came to their senses," which was the way it was supposed to be with these once in a lifetime stoned-out utterly random next big things that momentarily saved the world, but either they never "came to their senses" or it lasted for many years after they did and was still going strong to this day and now was spilling over into the rest of society. So the formula on which totally doped up baseball was based, the formula behind a million stoned-out ideas that stoners have every day but any one of which can only come to the fore every 10 or 15 or maybe even 20 or 25 years and then go away when people come to their senses -- this formula hadn't gone away and was now the basis for all society. And that's why, I thought to myself, we are here on this fucking International Space Station holding this meeting trying to figure out how to rid the world of its most entrenched experience, but without which it might crumble away and then there'd be nothing left. So we had to be careful, as we spooned our International Cheerios into our mouths. To Be Continued... |
copyright © 2004 by HC