Fight Stupid Consumerism!! Buy my fucking book!! The Washington 
Friday, May 12, 2000
Severe Flavor-of-the- Month Shortage Forces Dramatic Internet Shutdown
The internet, the world-wide network of computers inter-connected by means of the so-called TCP/IP Protocol, was dramatically shut down today for an indeterminate amount of time, due, apparently, to a critical shortage of reliable flavors-of-the-month.

A similar flavor-of-the-month shortage had swept Eastern Asia only a month ago causing irredeemable devastation to both symbolic and other ill-defined systems and processes.

A critical condition was apparently reached when the current flavor-of-the-month, which was expected to remain flavor-of-the-month until, you know, next month, suddenly, unexpectedly stopped being flavor-of-the-month.

"It was really a shock to us," said dot com CEO, Joe Hay, "to lose a flavor-of-the month before the month was even one-third over. Normally a flavor-of-the-month will live up to its contract and be flavor-of-the-month for the whole month. Now, suddenly we have to run out and find a whole new one at a moment's notice, when there's really nothing out there."

As a result, Hay, and the other 665 members of the Committee for an Ethical Apocalypse, which has been appointed by President Latifah to determine when the internet has to be shut down due to not having a flavor-of-the-month, has decided that the internet has to be shut down due to not having a flavor-of-the-month.

Many observers however, believe the current crisis is the result of the internet having stupidly squandered its many precious previous flavors-of-the-month.

"If, say, the flavor-of-the-month 4 months ago," said SUN Microsystems president and capitalist shitass Metallica pig Lars Ulrich, "had been allowed to be flavor-of-the-month for an additional month, we'd still be on last month's flavor-of-the-month this month, and this month's flavor-of-the-month collapse wouldn't have happened until next month, at which time, who knows, an all new flavor-of-the-month might suddenly have appeared on the flavor-of-the-month horizon."

Ulrich conceded however that flavors-of-the-month have, like kicks, just kept on getting harder to find and, anyway, they weren't bringing him piece of mind, so who gives a shit, just gimme my fuckin money and shut up.

"Unfortunately, we are unable to re-use old flavors-of- the-month," said Microsoft President, Gloria Estefan, "because as soon as they stop being flavors-of-the-month, we sell them off to Ben and Jerry or Baskin Robbins where they live again, despite everyone else involved having long ago killed themselves out of understanding."

It is currently rumored that an all black screen that changes slowly to white over the course of eight hours, might become the new interim flavor-of-the-month starting as soon as, maybe, the 15th of the month.

"If the all black screen that changes slowly to white over the course of eight hours as it runs through all the members of the grayscale palette of Andy Warhol's film 'Empire State Building' is successful," an unnamed source told us, "in filling in for the recently failed flavor-of-the-month for the duration of this month, it would then be highly likely that a white screen that slowly changes to black over the course of eight and a half hours, while running through the emotional palette of Andy Warhol's film "Blow Job" could be flavor-of-the-month next month and maybe every month thereafter, until death do us part, forever and ever, amen."

Some picture of something that somehow seems to go with the text 
below, though sometimes the connection is so counter-cosmic that only Barry 
Diller gets it
It's just you and me against all those assholes out there, a recent study concluded.

Sunny and warm with a 90% chance of a couplea earthquakes, an' shit

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